“Sticks and stones may break my bones – but words will never hurt me”

What a crock of shit. I’ve been wanting to do a piece on how words can scar a person for a while. I finally decided that this image best represents what I hate about being labeled for life once a word is thrown your way. It’s as if you are suddenly “defined” – that that is ALL of who you are. One mistake, one action, one assumption and suddenly you are nothing more – incapable of growth or change. For life you are what they decided in their eyes – and they keep you in a box, refusing to let you grow, change, be more.

There are many words that scar. Fat. Ugly. Weak. Stupid. The list goes on and on –these are the ones that I have chosen :

Fake – anytime someone thinks they know your motivations, your whole story, believes you couldn’t possibly be who you appear to be – they call you fake – as in NOT REAL. Everyone is REAL. And you don’t know anyone’s real story but your own. Your conception of any other person is tainted by your own stories, issues, appearances, assumptions, etc.

Liar – not honest. EVERYONE has told a lie at one point or another in their life. Remember the saying “I’ve never told a lie.” – Response “Well there’s you’re first one then”. Do you know their issue? Their story? Perhaps they had to lie to survive at one point in their life. Perhaps they grew up learning to lie. Perhaps they’re frightened of the conflict. I’m not condoning dishonesty – but its an awfully judging person to label someone for life and NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE has NEVER told a lie. (and don’t bother to post you haven’t – read above – there’s your first)

Slut – a woman that has sex with more partners than you find appropriate. This is probably one of the most over used words to describe women to me. Sexuality coming from their own wishes is often stifled in women – as if the desire or freedom of sexual partners and the choices they make, make them “less”. Who are you to decide what the appropriate number of lovers is for a person? How much are you assuming by their behavior on the outside?

Killer – any woman that ever had to cross a line of protestors to receive an abortion has been labeled this lovely word. Do you know her story? Do you care? Why do your moral beliefs have to match hers?

I’ve been called all of these words at one time or another – and a few others. I’ve learned to “own” them and be accountable for my actions and know that I am OH SO MUCH MORE in the big picture.

Don’t let anyone define who you are but you. Don’t let anyone keep you in a box because they called you a name. Your actions define who you are – sure – and you know what – people make mistakes. People are often misunderstood. People don’t come with an accurate history so you know their full story and how they obtained their faults, mistakes or stumbles in trying to figure out who they are for themselves.

I’ve got a few words for you – forgiveness, understanding, respect, privacy.

Anyone who’s been scarred by words - - you know who you are inside. That is all that matters. Life is hard people – worry about yourself.


mary